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 Family Honor presenters Jim and Marty Rebuck have a positive perspective on parenting, and life in general, born of nearly 40 years of marriage, four grown children of their own, three grandchildren and also 11 children for whom they have provided a warm and loving foster home.
Their philosophy is simple: "Once you know there are things to be done, how can you sit at home and not do them? We've pretty much raised our kids that way," said Jim.
The Rebucks have indeed lived that philosophy through many years of raising their own children while they were also actively involved with various ministries in their local parish. In addition, for the last seven years, they have served as presenters for Family Honor parent-child chastity programs in the Charleston, SC area.
According to Marty, they see their role as parents as a significant part of who they are. "We like parenting!"
About eight years ago, the Rebucks were given an opportunity to grow their parenting skills in a new way.
At a Family Honor picnic, they heard that a priest in their diocese, the Diocese of Charleston, SC, was looking for a couple who could provide foster care for the infant son of a young woman in college who had gotten pregnant out of wedlock, but who desperately wanted to continue her studies, have the baby and ultimately parent her child.
With no hesitation, they contacted the priest, saying: "We hear you have a baby" and indicating their willingness to help. And so it happened, that, as they were approaching their retirement years, the Rebucks became foster parents for a two-day old baby, nicknamed BG*.
"When we decided to be foster parents, we decided the child could come for a night, a weekend, or however long the Lord decided. So, if they would not be adopted by someone, they're never going to another foster home. That's not going to happen. Staying with them is better than going to one foster home after another," Jim remarked emphatically.
And they have been true to their word, with some children needing only to stay for a weekend before returning to their family of origin and others staying for up to a year or more before being adopted or returning to their parents.
And how did Jim and Marty's grown children - now 37, 32, 28 and 18 - feel about their parents' new role back when all this began?
"They were initially concerned about us doing this, but now they see how well it's worked," remarked Marty. She went on to say: "Besides, we didn't want Caitlin (their youngest daughter) to be a 'princess', without any other children in our home!"
When asked if Family Honor helped them in their journey as parents of their own children and also as foster parents, Jim and Marty remarked that the benefits they have experienced from Family Honor have been tremendous, especially in the area of communication, and indicated that they wished they had been involved with Family Honor when their first three children were going through their pre-teen and teen years.
Although their youngest daughter, Caitlin, 18, who is a Family Honor Teen Presenter, has benefited from her and her parents' involvement in Family Honor, Marty said "We would have talked to our first three kids (about sex) but we did not have the tools. We were not raised to talk about sex. Knowing how to talk about God's gift of sexuality would have made a huge difference in all our lives," Marty remarked.
She continued, saying: "For me, personally, and also for Jim, learning about the SPICE concept (Spiritual, Physical, Intellectual, Creative and Emotional development of a person) in the way that Family Honor presents it has been great. I wish we could have heard about this earlier in our marriage!"
Learning better communication skills through Family Honor has helped the Rebucks in some unexpected ways, such as when the young mother of one of their foster children came to talk to them a few years ago.
Jim remembered when the young woman announced to him that the young man she was seeing asked her to move in with him and told her the Bible doesn't say it's wrong. Jim replied to her: "Well, let's see what it does say." He proceeded to look at Scripture with her and also gave her "... what amounted to a three-hour Family Honor program in a one-on-one conversation."
And the result? Jim smiled. "She didn't move in with the guy."
After speaking with Jim and Marty for awhile, it becomes apparent that their positive approach to parenting and their commitment to being good parents and foster parents have produced some remarkable ongoing ripple effects in their own family and in their community.
One of these ripple effects is that the Rebucks' children became close to the foster children who have stayed with their parents for longer periods of time. One former foster child recently served as ring bearer in their son Chris's wedding. Another son, Pat, had fun showing a foster child how to build a tree house in the Rebuck's back yard.
And the ripple effect continued in their faith community. A child they fostered for 2 ½ years was adopted by a family they knew from church.
They mention another couple in their church that, when they saw the two foster children Jim and Marty have now (a two-year old boy and a five month old girl) said: "We'll take them both!" Jim remarked that the adoption process for the couple may take up to a year, but he and his wife will do everything they can to help make that happen. "We're all children of God. The more we recognize and relate to everyone in that way, the better things will be."
For information on becoming a Family Honor presenter, please call the Family Honor office at 803.929.0858 or contact us via e-mail: famhonor@aol.com
*not real name.
© 2009 Family Honor. This article may not be reproduced in any format without express written consent from Family Honor. Contact famhonor@aol.com for more info.
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